I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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