I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
whose parrot is this?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
