I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
