we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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