quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
