she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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