adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize