you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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