For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
