Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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