p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
