she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
