I cut my penus on the lid.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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