Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
