If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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