There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
