Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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