You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
