the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They took my balls.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
