it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
