I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize