The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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