real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
