I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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