I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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