I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
