So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
