i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
