____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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