He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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