Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I need a burrito and a hug.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
