If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
