Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
