yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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