it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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