dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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