I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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