Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
