I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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