the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
