I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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