i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
