I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
