Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
