Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
