I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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