You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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