I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize