How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
