i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
