Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
