Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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