didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
