"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
