I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
