Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize