This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i drank out of a bidet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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