i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
