I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
