Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
