i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
