if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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