If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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