New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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