My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In America we eat man semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
