I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
