Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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