Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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