After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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