All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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