I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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