Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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