So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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