remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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