Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
