I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
