i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
