We named our party play list daddy issues
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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