only if we run a train.
done.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
