I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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