Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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